ranting - straight from my heart 1

hi. and hepi raye. :)
sooo i just got home. n while i am over there at mrsm kb, i've decided. from now on. im gonna write in my blog. n letting things out little by little. cos since no one is trying to discover this heart of mine. i guess i just let it out n let myself read it. i know it sounded a little pathetic. but then its me what do i care what you think? ive learned recently that if you let people get the better of u. then u better off dead since you've become worthless to the society n no one wants you anymore. and isnt that sad? :)

well then. let get this ranting started.

in this post, im gonna tell you something. in the next post, im gonna write something else. simple as that.

you see. 3 weeks fasting in a boarding school isnt all that fun. mrsm kb isnt that kind of place that promise you the fasting fun. to me at least. and being there actually tortured me in some way. i got a bit feverish, got gastric juice in my stomach, missing my home,frens+gf, wishing i wasnt there, intervention for addmath (i got 9% for log formative test), havent sahur for a few continuous days, being kick and stabbed deeply in the back (real deep), got me wishing for stuff i am never gonna get (not in this 10 years maybe) an many unpleasant memories. and the worst thing is. i dont feel excite for raya :(. i mean, usually when raya is near, u start to feel excited. feel happy and thankful. but then being there, with the pressure and the routine and lack of mass media to tell me that raya is coming, i felt like. raya isnt as exciting as it used to. :((

then when its time to go home. the excite aroused a little bit. since i get to go home. later my frens hp (which i depend on) got taken by the warden, im going to kelantan for a few days for raya. stil ok. i guess i still have some days. btw im going back to kelantan at 3am after this. ok2. its ok. i can deal with this.

then it got worse.

i started to dig "i gotta feeling - bep" since i do got that feeling. :) while picking me from the bus station, my dad isnt in his good mood. he cranky and sleepy u see. so eventhought he said to me earlier "nnti kite g ah jj lps amik abg since jj ttp pkul 1 n you can get ur stuff" . feeling excited, i was hoping forward for it. then my hope crushes to pieces. teeny teeny pieces of dzarah. then i felt like tears. or so i thought. then my gf.. she got touchy. ow great. its ok. its ok. i can work all of this out. i got that feeling remember? so after top up my hp and fill my tummy. off to home to achieve my feeling. then it crushes again. my gf is still touchy. i dont know why. she had that "im disappointed in you " and she say she's ok. i dont like that. i SERIOUSLY DONT LIKE IT. shes not like the herself i was hoping her to be when i talk to her. i dont want all that missing go to waste. its ok sayang. :* and guys. i contact u guys nnti tau. dont worry :) :) .

well then, while i still try to sort out my night, i hope you guys enjoyed your ramadhan. n make out the best out of your raya. love u sygg n frens n all . till my next post. bbye